Sitting next to the deliciously attractive stranger on the subway, she imagined turning towards him and slowly licking his cheek. A mentor of mine once shared with me her impulse to do this as a way of illuminating an essential aspect of somatic work: our subcortical impulses need to be acknowledged.
These are the impulses that leave the logical rational aspects of our brains offline. We are talking socially unacceptable behavior. All the ways that we’ve been taught not to kick, punch, scratch, yell, bite, grab, lick, etc. need room to be acknowledged, because we all feel them. And when we don’t let ourselves acknowledge these impulses, they sit in our bodies as stuck energy.
The thing is, energy is made to move. So when these impulses go unexpressed, they come out in undesirable ways down the road, like passive aggression, cheating on a spouse, spontaneous eruptions of anger at strangers, or non-consensual sexual behavior.
Of course we can’t go around biting whoever we want. We need behavioral codes of conduct that are mostly agreed upon by the masses in order to function as a society. However, because we’ve been taught that these impulses are unacceptable, they’ve become mired in shame. Many people shut them out of their awareness, or dissociate from them, which again, is why they come up in often harmful ways that take people by surprise. Giving space for these impulses is actually part and parcel of true emotional regulation. It’s a strategy to be able to return to your “higher self” without spiritually bypassing.
Part of my work involves helping clients become conscious of these “forbidden” impulses so they have time and space to imagine them in the relatively safe container of our sessions. I encourage them to imagine completing the impulses in slow motion so their body can more fully feel the energy of the action moving through them. Sometimes they might do the gesture, or say the socially unacceptable words out loud, but in many cases simply imagining them will suffice.
It must be said that in no way shape or form is this meant to be used as an excuse to carry out the imagined impulses in the shared reality of our 3-D plane. Do not go around telling people I encouraged you to push them! Rather it’s a way for the nervous system to experience completion of an action so it can come to rest again. Our nervous systems don’t do well with unfinished business.
If you are working with a population of people who are unable to distinguish between imagination and our shared reality, this practice is not for them. It can also be quite helpful to work with a professional while exploring this territory to ensure that your nervous system does not get overwhelmed with the energy released by it. If you choose to work with this on your own, go very slowly, and only feel into the impulses for a few seconds at a time. Then rest and notice your body-mind-spirit’s response.
Beyond imagining specifically targeted scenarios, we all benefit from ways of processing our anger and sex drives healthfully. Activities like resistance training, cardio, dance, consensual sex, and masturbation can all be useful ongoing outlets for this energy.
So go ahead. Imagine telling off your condescending boss while wringing his neck, or punching the person who bullied you in third grade. Imagine picking the trash up from the person who just littered and throwing it back in their face. Imagine salaciously grabbing your friend who you have a secret crush on by the waist, and pulling them in close for a kiss (actually maybe do this one 😉). Go wild! Just do it very slowly in your imagination in small pieces at a time.
You are a human animal. It’s time for you to honor your bark and bite. Our collective potential for peace depends on it.