Somatic work is to become more conscious of ourselves as beings that process the energy of all that is through our senses. We explore how to sense ourselves, and then we continuously refine how we make sense of what we are sensing! But we don’t just sense ourselves to exist in an isolated vacuum. We do so to shift all of our connections and relationships, to our family, our lovers, our friends, our neighbors, our cities, our earth, and beyond. To clearly, deeply, and fully sense yourself, and to allow yourself to be clearly, deeply, and fully sensed by another is an act of vital resistance in our world where closing off, running away, and shutting down might seem like the only viable option.
Both acts require internal permission. I allow myself to be with what I sense, and how. I allow myself to be curious, gentle, and compassionate in this process. I allow myself to be playful. I allow myself not to have to get it “right”, but rather to be spacious with whatever arises as I check in. I allow myself to shine light on the nasty, gnarly, painful tangles in me. I allow myself to let what’s beautiful and free stay a bit longer.
To allow myself to be sensed by another, I give internal permission to let my energy emanate outward beyond my corporeal body. I permit myself to soften my defenses, boundaries, masks, and guards. I permit myself to be seen and projected upon however that may inevitably occur, but to know my spirit is capable of remaining steady and whole in the face of whatever anyone else may think or say about me. Allowing yourself to be sensed by another means you do not have to depart from your wholeness, and give yourself away to be in relationship. The gift of your loving presence is enough. I’ll say that one again: the gift of your loving presence is enough.
When is the last time you felt most like yourself? Some of you may be able to answer this question easily, and for those people, I encourage you to keep finding ways to tap into this experience as much as humanly possible. A life built around what helps you sense yourself most clearly is one in alignment.
For others, it will feel challenging to answer. Trauma interrupts our sense of self, and as we work through layers of developmental, ancestral, and systemic trauma, some folks will discover that they may have never, or only rarely, had glimpses of their authentic self. It had to be eclipsed and buried for survival. Deep grief may accompany this discovery, but the recognition itself is the beginning of a change.
Sense of Self Journal Exploration
What foods delight your taste buds?
What colors attract your attention?
What sounds feel like a balm for your ears?
What environments help your neck and shoulders soften?
What kinds of movement spark an internal “Yes!” in your body?
What kinds of people help your breath move more freely?
What are you doing when you most easily feel your feet on the ground a little bit more?
Discovering yourself can be a lifelong journey. In fact, even for those who have relatively easy access to their sense of self, healing sometimes means letting go of attachment to a particular sense of self so that a different more expansive sense of self can emerge. Sense of self can be mutable rather than fixed when we open up to aspects of our being we may have kept at bay. It is possible to engage a continuous simultaneous process of letting attachment to old self go, while renewed vital self emerges.
This is where maintaining connection to that which is “outside” of ourselves is essential, rather than only going “inside” to “feel yourself”. If we only search internally to feel ourselves we will be beholden to familiar sensations. We are required to be with what’s unfamiliar to expand our sense of self. I might mistakenly think that my experience of back pain, or anger are all I am. When we simultaneously notice our internal state along with the external (the light, the air, the sounds, etc.) we open the channels for greater interconnection. We begin to understand that which is of you is of me too. I recognize something of myself through what I perceive in my favorite tree in the park near my home. The squirrel’s sound outside my window, or that stranger I met in the coffee shop, awakens something within my soma that may have always been there, but I didn’t have conscious access to it until now. We are in a constant state of reflecting and being reflected back.
Permission to Be Sensed Practice
The practice of allowing your self to be sensed by another may also be easier to start by working with non-human entities.
Can you allow the ground to sense you a bit more? How about the clouds?
If that feels ok, perhaps you practice next by letting your house plants feel your energy, and then your cat or your dog, or the sparrows outside.
If it feels right to you, you might ask their permission before practicing in this way: “Is it okay for me to practice allowing you to sense me a bit more?”
As you gain facility with this, work towards practicing with someone you trust. This could be a friend, a partner, a teacher, a coach, etc. Remember, you don’t have to allow your whole self to be sensed in one go. You can allow little increments at a time.
As you go along, keep your senses open to perceive a warm voice that says, “Welcome, welcome, welcome. We are so glad you are finally here.”